P.N.S.
P.N.S : short for Perpetual Naivety Syndrome. The feeling that no matter what you do, what you read, or what you find out about, everyone else has already done it, read it, or known about it long before you ever did and nothing you can say or do will surprise them. Essentially, the feeling that there is nothing about you that is original or noteworthy.
I have P.N.S., and much to my displeasure, it is not confined to a once a month deal. It doesn't matter that I speak Japanese and know almost as many kanji as the average Japanese citizen; in my current daily interactions there is no need for it whatsoever, and it might as well not even exist. When discussing common interests with my friends, it always seems like they've already heard about whatever it is I have to tell them, and as a result, I find my own excitement at learning something new diminished by my inability to share that knowledge and have it matter.
Perhaps naivety is not the proper word for this feeling, but to me, naivety is the feeling that everyone around you gets it, and you're still trying to figure it out. Everything you tell them they've already heard, and so the most you can elicit is a "That's nice" or an "I know" and then it's like what you said never happened. It's like being a child in a room full of older kids, with that feeling of irrelevance that tells you you might as well not even be there.
Of course, I realize this isn't actually the case, and even if it were, it wouldn't matter. As long as you keep learning new things you will continue to improve, and you don't have to be better than everybody else as long as you're better than yourself. If the people around you already knew what you just found out, it doesn't really matter as long as you found it out.
I know this now, but the P.N.S. still lingers. To reference another line that everybody knows, old habits die hard. As far as less than pleasant feelings go, this one is vastly preferable to others I could name, but it is there, and it makes me think even as I type these words that whoever is reading them already knew what I'm talking about five years ago, has long put it behind them, and is clicking down impatiently waiting to see if I have anything original to say. Maybe I don't, but I will say this: one of my hopes for this blog is that someone will read it and learn something useful, even if a hundred people don't. It's not my primary reason, but it's there, and it's not going to go away even if I pretend it is. So, I'm laying it bare for anyone who wants to know. I suppose blogs are good for nothing if not a little anonymous soul baring, after all. And if anyone out there IS reading this who's thinking "Damn, that's how I always feel too, but I never knew how to put it into words", well then, you went and made my day.
I have P.N.S., and much to my displeasure, it is not confined to a once a month deal. It doesn't matter that I speak Japanese and know almost as many kanji as the average Japanese citizen; in my current daily interactions there is no need for it whatsoever, and it might as well not even exist. When discussing common interests with my friends, it always seems like they've already heard about whatever it is I have to tell them, and as a result, I find my own excitement at learning something new diminished by my inability to share that knowledge and have it matter.
Perhaps naivety is not the proper word for this feeling, but to me, naivety is the feeling that everyone around you gets it, and you're still trying to figure it out. Everything you tell them they've already heard, and so the most you can elicit is a "That's nice" or an "I know" and then it's like what you said never happened. It's like being a child in a room full of older kids, with that feeling of irrelevance that tells you you might as well not even be there.
Of course, I realize this isn't actually the case, and even if it were, it wouldn't matter. As long as you keep learning new things you will continue to improve, and you don't have to be better than everybody else as long as you're better than yourself. If the people around you already knew what you just found out, it doesn't really matter as long as you found it out.
I know this now, but the P.N.S. still lingers. To reference another line that everybody knows, old habits die hard. As far as less than pleasant feelings go, this one is vastly preferable to others I could name, but it is there, and it makes me think even as I type these words that whoever is reading them already knew what I'm talking about five years ago, has long put it behind them, and is clicking down impatiently waiting to see if I have anything original to say. Maybe I don't, but I will say this: one of my hopes for this blog is that someone will read it and learn something useful, even if a hundred people don't. It's not my primary reason, but it's there, and it's not going to go away even if I pretend it is. So, I'm laying it bare for anyone who wants to know. I suppose blogs are good for nothing if not a little anonymous soul baring, after all. And if anyone out there IS reading this who's thinking "Damn, that's how I always feel too, but I never knew how to put it into words", well then, you went and made my day.
posted by Gabe at 9:15 PM
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